Its week three of the semester. The first too weeks were kind of good and a struggle at the same time, there was just so much to do and so much multi tasking in my world which just makes things really hard because we talked in one of my classes about the fact that multi tasking isn't actually multi tasking because you can only focus your brain on one thing at a time and so your really just shifting ALL of your attention back and forth. I feel like I've been doing that a lot, have to shift my attention and compartmentalize my brain and just various things of that nature. Because of that ever shifting of attention and priority from one thing to another, sometimes things get dropped by the wayside.
Recently it was the 30 day challenge, which of all the things for me to bail out on isn't a big deal except that it feels like it to me just because it represents more than that. The background of this is that it was this picture thing on facebook where each day you post a picture of something based on the prompt from the challenge for that given day. My problem was I got like two weeks behind and everyday I would remember and say "Oh I'll catch up today" and then I wouldn't, Zach even reminded me that I hadn't kept up with it. Part of the reason I wanted to do it was because I really wanted to be honest with myself and look into those prompts and find some really good pictures and just discover some things that are my favorites or whatever that I hadn't looked at in a while. I mean that is why we take pictures is to go back through them later and enjoy them and look at them. I was disappointed that I had fallen so short with it because I guess part of it was just proving to myself that I could do something everyday, something small and little but I could get it done. I have a major problem with remembering to do something once a day everyday, like taking medication and these pictures and stuff like that, my memory is terrible. It makes me worried for when I won't have people everywhere taking care of me and reminding me to keep myself together and making sure all aspects of my life are in order.
That is the other thing is the shifting between aspects of my life. We were talking about this, sort of, in my sociology class (which I love by the way) the idea that everyone is playing a character and that depending the setting that they are in, it will affect the character that they play and I have known that for quite a while. Malika the Willamette Student, differs from the DG, the Rainbow Girl, the Eastern Star member, the Amaranth member, the daughter, the niece, the auntie, the friend, the confidant, the adventurer, the space cadet, the girlfriend, the small child. It all depends on the audience that I am playing to, I mean sometimes these characters get combined. I just thinks its funny because I always thought that I wasn't a very good actor when really I am acting all the time.
I feel like thats all I have to say for right now. I'm thinking of switching over to a tumblr, but the only person who reads my blog is my mom (love you!) so I doubt the switch would make a GINORMOUS (which looks like a fake word) difference to anyone but her.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A Summary of 2010, even though I finished it in 2011
2010, lets see, the beginning of 2010 found me watching a Lifetime Original movie with Taylor, Jordan and Chris, it was called maneater and had Sarah Chalke from Scrubs in it. After I finished out my extended (Thank you private school) version of Winter Break, my months became this even split of School, Rainbow and Spending time with Kyle. January, the school front seemed to include new and exciting classes and lots of time on the roof of Terra (Thank you Heidi's window for not having a screen), January is installation month so I did a whole bunch of that, and I considered joining a sorority because I knew it was something that I wanted but with Rainbows the timing just wasn't right and I really wasn't ready.
I'm going to just sort of whirlwind February-March-April and hit the highlights through all of that. I'm doing this based off of my pictures so I'll probably end up missing some things and rambling on like an idiot but thats how I roll. There were a good number of Official Visits during this time which I always really enjoy, I love going to Rainbow events, its silly but I love it. On that note I have to hit the MAJOR MAJOR highlight of Statewide, which was pretty much the LONGEST rainbow day ever, and it will be longer this year because last year I managed to sneak out without going to the dance but apparently its required now, anyway I'm catching a wave back to my original topic. I got a page that day, which was super duper exciting to me, plus it was the one my mom predicted (and hoped for) which was pretty awesome. Also, the grand line rocked the talent show. Plus I got to spend part of the day with Dakota (from Nevada) probably one of the coolest people I know. I also have to mention that we almost got another dog, Charlie, he was super adorable but kinda crazy, not in like the run around like a puppy crazy but in a super over protective over the people he is living with crazy. April finished out with going the Conclave Installation, which was really cool because I had never been to a Demolay installation before but I was always impressed when they did ceremonies other places.
On the school side of things, life was okay but not great. I felt a lot better second semester just because I had made it through at least 1 of everything. One 8 am class, at least one midterm, at least one final, more than one paper, so I felt more confident 2nd semester. Things would be better, not necessarily easier, but I just got so excited because with more freedom I was able to be more myself as far as picking classes and determining if my life plan was actually something I wanted to do. I picked out classes that I thought would tell me if Math and American Studies (something that I found on a whim and had an immediate passion for) and it worked, I loved my foundations class so much I asked the professor to be my advisor. I went crazy taking notes in my American Studies class, I loved the days when Professor Strelow would go on rants and just tell stories, share his knowledge and his life with us because he has had such an interesting amazing life.
The problem wasn't during the day though, it wasn't classes, it was my procrastination. I thought it was bad in high school but it was terrrrribbbbbllllleeee last semester. I would stay up all hours of the night because I didn't start my homework until late and then I'd always (well almost always) be up for 8 am chinese. I didn't take care of myself, I treated my body like crap and I think it really affected my emotions as well.
One thing that I need to mention as far as the lack of sleep goes is my idiotic habit of pulling multiple all nighters, the one that was the best terrible experience I have ever had was our late night/early morning (we left at like 3 am) going to the beach and then Heidi not wanting to actually walk down the stairs to get to the beach, and so we left and she fell asleep in the car and Mariah and I stopped at the sketchiest diner ever, and did our homework and had french toast and orange juice.
The good thing was that Kyle tended to balance it out. He helped keep me grounded, April was our 1 year and it just felt so amazing that we had been together for so long and been through so much. He really cares about me and takes care of me. He tries so hard to make sure that everything is okay for me and that I take care of myself.
Finally, the summer, which I am choosing to start in May because that is when exciting things started happening and my second semester ended. May was my trip to Nevada for the GWAAR and the GWAR which was so much fun as well as my first In-n-Out burger which was exciting, I even got one of those silly hats. Then all of a sudden it was the end of school and time to prepare for our Official Visit, I think I gave my favorite reception speech to date my updated pot of gold lecture.
Then June, July, and August, rush by in a blurrrrrrr. I was appointed Grand Worthy Associate Advisor in the middle of my multiple Grand Assemblies. Nevada then Oregon then Washington/Idaho then the biggun' the Supreme Assembly, then Grandie Retreat, then it was time for the Corn booth which flowed straight into Opening Days which flowed straight into the start of school. Like I said blurrrrrrrrrrrrr. Somewhere in the middle of it I turned 19 and other stuff happened.
School has been so much better this semester with some minor exceptions. I have had two living situations, both of which were completely awesome. Living in WISH with Mariah was pretty boss as we created our hippie room with our peace sign carpet and bean bag and everything. But then I joined DG and walked my stuff down the street (literally) and all of a sudden I was sharing my "closet" with Kate and sleeping in a gigantic, perpetually freezing room. As I settled in I realized how amazing that space was and all the women were and how many of them I look up to now. I was finally feeling more stable, going to bed at reasonable hours, not making the ridiculous mistakes that I made at the beginning of 2010, I thought I was really growing up and doing a lot better. There was a problem though, I still felt this crazy emptiness, I just felt so depressed and like I was still missing happiness in my life even though the things going on should be making me feel happy. I would be constantly questioning things and I just couldn't get out of my own head space. Finally with the help of a friend I went to talk to someone which was much more successful than that same attempt in 2009 and she sent me to someone else who got me on medicine.
So I am really looking forward to 2011 and being able to really enjoy it and not feel that emptiness things will be good. This will be a big and exciting year, during this year I will finish over half of my time at Willamette University (the undergrad program at least) and I will be installed as the Grand Worthy Advisor of Oregon Rainbow, there will just be a lot going on and I am very ready to get it started.
I'm going to just sort of whirlwind February-March-April and hit the highlights through all of that. I'm doing this based off of my pictures so I'll probably end up missing some things and rambling on like an idiot but thats how I roll. There were a good number of Official Visits during this time which I always really enjoy, I love going to Rainbow events, its silly but I love it. On that note I have to hit the MAJOR MAJOR highlight of Statewide, which was pretty much the LONGEST rainbow day ever, and it will be longer this year because last year I managed to sneak out without going to the dance but apparently its required now, anyway I'm catching a wave back to my original topic. I got a page that day, which was super duper exciting to me, plus it was the one my mom predicted (and hoped for) which was pretty awesome. Also, the grand line rocked the talent show. Plus I got to spend part of the day with Dakota (from Nevada) probably one of the coolest people I know. I also have to mention that we almost got another dog, Charlie, he was super adorable but kinda crazy, not in like the run around like a puppy crazy but in a super over protective over the people he is living with crazy. April finished out with going the Conclave Installation, which was really cool because I had never been to a Demolay installation before but I was always impressed when they did ceremonies other places.
On the school side of things, life was okay but not great. I felt a lot better second semester just because I had made it through at least 1 of everything. One 8 am class, at least one midterm, at least one final, more than one paper, so I felt more confident 2nd semester. Things would be better, not necessarily easier, but I just got so excited because with more freedom I was able to be more myself as far as picking classes and determining if my life plan was actually something I wanted to do. I picked out classes that I thought would tell me if Math and American Studies (something that I found on a whim and had an immediate passion for) and it worked, I loved my foundations class so much I asked the professor to be my advisor. I went crazy taking notes in my American Studies class, I loved the days when Professor Strelow would go on rants and just tell stories, share his knowledge and his life with us because he has had such an interesting amazing life.
The problem wasn't during the day though, it wasn't classes, it was my procrastination. I thought it was bad in high school but it was terrrrribbbbbllllleeee last semester. I would stay up all hours of the night because I didn't start my homework until late and then I'd always (well almost always) be up for 8 am chinese. I didn't take care of myself, I treated my body like crap and I think it really affected my emotions as well.
One thing that I need to mention as far as the lack of sleep goes is my idiotic habit of pulling multiple all nighters, the one that was the best terrible experience I have ever had was our late night/early morning (we left at like 3 am) going to the beach and then Heidi not wanting to actually walk down the stairs to get to the beach, and so we left and she fell asleep in the car and Mariah and I stopped at the sketchiest diner ever, and did our homework and had french toast and orange juice.
The good thing was that Kyle tended to balance it out. He helped keep me grounded, April was our 1 year and it just felt so amazing that we had been together for so long and been through so much. He really cares about me and takes care of me. He tries so hard to make sure that everything is okay for me and that I take care of myself.
Finally, the summer, which I am choosing to start in May because that is when exciting things started happening and my second semester ended. May was my trip to Nevada for the GWAAR and the GWAR which was so much fun as well as my first In-n-Out burger which was exciting, I even got one of those silly hats. Then all of a sudden it was the end of school and time to prepare for our Official Visit, I think I gave my favorite reception speech to date my updated pot of gold lecture.
Then June, July, and August, rush by in a blurrrrrrr. I was appointed Grand Worthy Associate Advisor in the middle of my multiple Grand Assemblies. Nevada then Oregon then Washington/Idaho then the biggun' the Supreme Assembly, then Grandie Retreat, then it was time for the Corn booth which flowed straight into Opening Days which flowed straight into the start of school. Like I said blurrrrrrrrrrrrr. Somewhere in the middle of it I turned 19 and other stuff happened.
School has been so much better this semester with some minor exceptions. I have had two living situations, both of which were completely awesome. Living in WISH with Mariah was pretty boss as we created our hippie room with our peace sign carpet and bean bag and everything. But then I joined DG and walked my stuff down the street (literally) and all of a sudden I was sharing my "closet" with Kate and sleeping in a gigantic, perpetually freezing room. As I settled in I realized how amazing that space was and all the women were and how many of them I look up to now. I was finally feeling more stable, going to bed at reasonable hours, not making the ridiculous mistakes that I made at the beginning of 2010, I thought I was really growing up and doing a lot better. There was a problem though, I still felt this crazy emptiness, I just felt so depressed and like I was still missing happiness in my life even though the things going on should be making me feel happy. I would be constantly questioning things and I just couldn't get out of my own head space. Finally with the help of a friend I went to talk to someone which was much more successful than that same attempt in 2009 and she sent me to someone else who got me on medicine.
So I am really looking forward to 2011 and being able to really enjoy it and not feel that emptiness things will be good. This will be a big and exciting year, during this year I will finish over half of my time at Willamette University (the undergrad program at least) and I will be installed as the Grand Worthy Advisor of Oregon Rainbow, there will just be a lot going on and I am very ready to get it started.
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